I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
