As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
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tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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