Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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