I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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