R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
