I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
