Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
