I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
