I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize