dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
sarcasm needs its own font
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize