I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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