Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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