The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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