I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
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