oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There r osticjed everywhere
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
