uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
