i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
