You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
