I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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