I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
