i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
