Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
