This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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