Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You ruined the universe
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
