I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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