Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
