You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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