She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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