im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
