just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
