Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
