apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
