I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
