so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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