one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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