she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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