my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
