Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
