dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
