and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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