she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
