I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
