Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
