I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
