he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
