Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
