im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
