HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
