His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
