a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
