he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
