made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
