First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
