I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sorry my hands just texted you
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
