im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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