im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
