i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
