I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
