my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
