youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
