this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
