Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
