after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
