Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
