Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
