Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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