Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
