I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
