So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
