omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
