So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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